it’s raining

been a long day of writing between menial tasks

a cat yowls outside

miserable in the dampness

poor little thing

i’m so tired

not sleeping

thoughts whirling

i miss my kitty

ish

she changed

before she died she wasn’t the same

never wanted cuddles

just sort of did her own thing away from me

not really a strong relationship

still

she was awesome

i need to get a new one

some day

maybe

then when it is raining and i don’t feel up to pretending to be human i can listen to the rumbling purr as i scratch her ears

feel like part of something

instead of apart from everything

maybe i’ll just go to bed

get my mandatory fifteen minutes per three hours of sleep

dream of having a feline companion

less having to take care of a living thing that way

i should probably learn to take care of myself first

feline second

the lulling rain has me feeling sleepy tinted with melancholy glasses

missing the old days

dreading the new ones

dispassionately dismissive

it isn’t the world, it’s me

the oddly prophetic vibe of sleep deprivation