there is an ever expanding bubble of sorrow in my guts, every second clicks by it grows and consumes me

will i ever get back home

can i just throw it all away

what am i, really

just an empty shell of regret plus remorse multiplied by bad decisions and empty gestures, a grand sum total of zero on any litmus test, an inverse graph of dreams and successes

squared

all i want is all i’ll never have

you, them, every chance missed

even the words have failed me today, left me in need, i want to kiss you, pull you in, never let you go

but i’ll fail that as well

wine stained lips and searching hands, probing, watching candle light play off your curves, your eyes roll back, shuddering and squeezing, rapture on your heaving breaths

i’m not long for this, this

i can’t even let it out, release the pressure, maintain strength, never let them see your tears, don’t cave to the internal pressure, the external woe, let the world fuck you into submission and smile

take your broken promises and force them into your ravenous mouth of jagged teeth and impacted wisdom

esophagal tumors choking, gall stones and whimpers caught in the trichobezoar like a gorgon of insufferable pain

falling into the eye on the pyramid, her eye, unblinking and piercing my very essence, leaving me shaking as i hover in her spiritual negligence, blistering and freezing in turn

i don’t know what to do but my options are not what i need, needs and wants and reality at odds, temporally displaced and unrealistically expired

the bubble is all