i thought my heart was in a state of arrhythmia, my head aches and my mind only seems capable of focusing on her

out sequence throbbing in my veins

i rest two fingers in wrist and try and call my nerves

two quick pulses

one quick one long two quick

three long

three quick one long

one quick

one long one quick two long

three long

two quick one long

erratic yet somehow forming a pattern on my fingers, across my body, behind my eyes as i lay here

close my eyes, put an arm over my face and count backwards from ten

deep breaths

out with the bad

in with her

the irregular regularity keeps sounding in my chest

my finger taps the beat unconsciously

the sound sings in my skull, a down beat to go with daydreams of her voice murmuring to me

i sit in the park, watching the birds soar

headphones in but nothing playing except her on repeat, the beat all consuming

my shoes tap it on to the grass

the world seems to fall into sync with it

i give in to it and let the rest of universe fade into thoughts of her

an older man comes up to me and i take out the headphones

he’d been watching me and asked if i knew what i was doing

i frowned in confusion

he said at first it seemed random

but he recognized the pattern

it turns out it is morse code

my pulse admitting to my brain what it refused to acknowledge

and it all became clear

two quick pulses

one quick one long two quick

three long

three quick one long

one quick

one long one quick two long

three long

two quick one long

guess it wanted to relay the message for me since it knew i couldn’t, wouldn’t do it myself