first times

have i grown
jaded
everything reeking
of familiarity

longing
for a first time
again

the first time
i kissed a girl
the world
exploded
into fireworks
racing
down my spine

the first time
i experienced death
holding his hand
as the last breath
rattled
out of his chest
gaunt and weak

the first time
i felt depression
wrap her arms
around me
squeeze my chest
whisper nothing
would ever
be quite right
feel normal

so many firsts
so many lasts
lasting
fleeting
flying
failing
falling

the first time
i saw her
one
of many
hers

the first time
i held my daughter
i held my son
i dried their tears
i hugged them
like
depression
but whispered
it would be
alright
again
one day

the first time
i drove
alone
the music too loud
the road
unfamiliar

the first time
i shoplifted
books
i so desperately
wanted to read
worlds
i needed to explore

the first time
i hit the floor
after
the first time
i was hit
the first time
i got back up
and hit back
the first time
i didn’t give in
give up

now
it is
a series of the same
doldrums
repetitive
inane

come to me
love me
like the first time
make it
the last time
a cycle
we can renew
every day

6 thoughts on “first times

  1. Utterly gorgeous Mike. I was wondering, do you think we love firsts so much because it’s building new pathways in our brains and it’s really that ‘building of networks’ that we are addicted to, not our perceptions of reality but the reality within our brains themselves??

    Liked by 2 people

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