it was(darkness)

the unbearable act of being, the unenviable task of breathing, the uncompromising struggle of seeing

it was

waking up

day after day after day after day after day after day

it was

the incomprehensible burden of living in the skin that carried the brunt of too many after school special come true with no cheesy theme music playing over the star wipe happy ending that could only have been written by someone that never faced a hardship

it was

what it was

is

what it is

it was

tar black vomit on cracked linoleum, it was dirty fingernails clawing across the walls of another desperate attempt at desperately attempting to avoid a last chance at a final solution

it was

going to bed in pain to wake seven times during the night because the pain was more existential in nature than nature intended

left unattended in a car with the windows up in the middle of august in augusta with no agua just the bitter taste of almonds from her cyanide smile and switchblade promises of bleeding out in an alley behind the dope house

it was

a smile from a stranger until they got close enough to see the ravages of insanity written in grease pen across the unfocused pupil of the star pupil that went one line too many down the rabbit hole into the never never of another bad fix

the calling out of voices that rang hollow with all the halloween baskets and a cheap mask that cut into young lips from poorly cut plastic etch a sketch reminders that what was under the mask was less real than what was crudely painted

it was

and it hurt

so staple on a permanent grin from the bargain bin of houston we have a problem of one night in a flea bag motel on the corner of no where and the end smack dab in the middle of the heart of the city like a needle dripping adrenaline and softly spoken lies

if you were lucky

it wasn’t

not for long at least

but even a moment was too much