living

i sat
at the table
listening
as he droned
on
and on
and on
his this
was swollen
some number
was elevated
his this
was out
his that
was in

goddamn man
give up
curl into a ball
die
die
die
for fuck sake
lean into
the inevitable

he looked
offended
at my
eruption
my brazen
interruption

well
what do you
spend
your time
worried about
you
mean-hearted
bastard

i wanted
to laugh
at the
gall
of this moron
but instead
tapped
a cigarette out
of the pack
thumbed
the strike anywhere match
like a cowboy
in a western
a regular
scoots magoo
or whatever
the fuck
the guy
in the black hat
that got shot
on top
of the racing train
was named

you’re a
goddamn
zombie
an ambulatory corpse
for christsake
chicken little
hurtling
towards
a singular ending
without bothering
to look around

my god man

i am thinking about
a bottle of wine
her clothes
scattered
on the floor
from the heels
at the door
to the bra
dangling
from the ceiling fan
to her
panties
already
in my pocket
from the car ride
home

the only
number
that matters
is how many times
she begs me
to let her
finish
how many kisses
i can place
on her skin
how many times
i can sneak
a glance
and her
still be
there

i don’t need
a doctor
to tell me
we are dying
we start that
the minute
we are dumped
unceremoniously
into
the light

i just need
an hour or two
of her
a day
because that
is living
not taking
fifteen pills
with sixteen
side effects
seven of which
are deadly
you are
an idiot
that has squeezed
the joy
out of life
until
all you have
is bitter rind

me, i think
about living
not death

he glowered
at me
got up
with a huff

later
i heard him
commiserating
with another
ghoul
about salt
or some other
ghastly tale

i sent her
a message
reminding her
that i love her

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