i am a
series of
learned
behaviors
somewhat at
odds with
one another.

having become
pliable and
silent
to appease
the hands that
swing the
metal hanger
trained to
disappear
into the smoke
hanging over
the overfull
crystal ashtrays
at five foot
intervals
a magician’s
assistant
taking on
other’s pain
turning it into
my own penance
careful not to
bleed on the
stained beige
carpeting.

screaming out
in lowercase
so as to not
disturb the adults
failing at the
speed of thought
vanishing back
into the brush
no sign that i
was ever truly here
except for heart
shaped burns
on the underbelly
of empty verse
adapting to my
surroundings
camouflaged in
self sabotage
the sad little
scribbler only
to be seen not
heard by the herd
an outlier to
be picked off early
to save the other
bleating sheep.

a series of
self contradictory
allusions wrapped
in illusion with
a subtle hint
of delusion
an onion skin
slowly undone
to reveal an
ugliness that is
hollowbone deep.