i feel the light
slipping away
dripping down
into the darkness
lost yet again
without knowing
why i am never
capable of being
enough as myself

if i keep the receipt
can i exchange
this oppressive
coverage of silence
for a moment of
much needed solace
helpless for hopeful
hopeless for helpful
haplessly denied
the peace and goodwill
whispered solemnly
through clenched teeth
over clinking glasses
in rooms of barely
concealed animosities

a defective detective
searching for clues
as to why every path
leads back to woe
working towards a
seven percent solution
of self sabotage as
the needles break
paperthin skin to flush
his system with more
hyperbolic dreamshit

holding a holiday seance
for every dead dreamer
a lamentation of festive
insidiousness complete
with overstuffed maggots
writhing in the froth
of heartslurry regrets
needing one last clue
to close this cold case
of flickering bulbs
winking out only to leave
no answers in the night