a losing battle, yet to them my heart staggers on

the depression
swarms around my head
a cloud of gnats
in vivid apprehension
an arid vivisection
exposing the tumors
pulsing in various
heightened states of
shivering dismay

i stood in the shower
the smell of lime and
hibiscus tickling
the back of my brain
lost in the fogbank
of half recycled dreamshit
the hot water blistering
along my silently sorrowful
in a dismal display of
deep seated desires
sloughing in bloody strips
to circle the drain

the coffee sputters
promises of caffeinated
delusions in a mourning
of mounting depression
a perfect storm brews
the high pressure of
unsolicited expectations
slamming directly into
the low pressure gambles
on emotional investments

despite my best attempts
screaming my love so loudly
it rattles the walls
my words go unheard or
willfully misinterpreted
even though every word
is stamped with her smile
and the hint of birdsong
as my heart pounds out
another ode in fitful
starts and stops to hold
off the waves of depression
predestined to drown me
despite my best efforts

with the three smiles
firmly focused i ignore
the devastation battering
about my empty skull
three times three times three
my mantra will get me
through this brewing storm
a calamity of kisses sent
to ward off evil thoughts
a renewed dedication in
a tattered cloak of tears

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