renewal letters and dying dreams

of all the varied
and horrific cycles
of my traitorous
fucking mind
my least favorite of
them all is feeling
the walls of the
cage as they smother
every bit of hope
from my deflated soul
the sense of being
trapped with zero recourse
no chance of ever escaping
as the lease renewal letter
flutters on the door and
it signals yet another
increase and i am not
nearly pretty enough
to whore myself
i am not nearly
talented enough
to find the
modicum of success
needed to pull
myself back up.

it has been a
bad sort of week
sleepless worry
a headache that
seems permanent
memories i fight
to keep buried
unearthed and
pummeling from
my lack of any
permanence as my
permeable soul
is polluted by
the carcinogens
of a childhood
better left
forgotten as
this sentence in
a purgatory of
unreachable dream
becomes little
more than a
death sentence of
slowly fading
into the anonymity
of talentless hacks
desecrating wonder.

inflationary odes
in a deflation of
rusted chains and
dingy prison cells
vibrating my bones
in a solemn song
to sparrows flying
beneath the golden
dome of fetidly
false freedoms and
daydreams lingering
just out of reach
and i am just another
misshapen prisoner
rattling my can on
the pitted bars
begging for more
than this world
could ever possibly
give to a monster
who only gets what
he has always deserved.

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