i can’t tell
if the lights
are flickering
or if reality
is shattering
between these
thunderous yawns
my hand quivers
and hot coffee
spills over the
rim of the mug
i see the flesh
turn red but
feel nothing through
the pins and needles
as the sun shines
a diluted haze
of sallow indignation
into the cloud of
stale smoke and
lingering malaise
an illusion of
sleepless shadows
as the bags beneath
my hollow eyes
blunt the daggers
of flickering light
and dissociation calls
rendering the room
indistinguishable
in my heady dismay

my goddamned shoulder
aches in waves of
nauseating discomfort
the pressure of
an abrupt sinus infection
compounds the permanent
burning in my guts
i am falling to pieces
and being uninsured
simply insures it won’t
get any better any time soon
i need drugs and possibly
a few prescriptions too
as i fight these
self destructive
tendencies and add a
little more almond milk
to cut the acidity
in the coffee keeping me
more or less attentive
in a half coma from
short naps and this
feeling of encroaching doom
another ode to
circling the drain
clogged with clumps of
hair and the half digested
dreamshit leaking from
swollen pores to pour
into the shower and
coagulate on the freshly
bleached bathtub basin

the universe and all of
its silent contempt
can go find a large cactus
and fuck itself for
all the generosity shown
well aware worse things
happen to better people
yet being powerless
to improve my own hell
renders circular flashes
of enraged reactions
shadow theatre reenactments
on a loop between the
spasming lights strobing
a grand mal infliction
an intersection of inflection
in stuttering diction
lost in the high pitched
ringing of obsolete ossicles
a suspension of disbelief
in a suspension of fluid
in inner ear infections
wasting a weekend writhing
in a withered withdrawal
whispering my love
three times three times three
into the crushing static