i can feel
this giant marble
stuck
in the back of
my throat
and every time
i try to write
suddenly
i forget
how to breathe
i cannot swallow
choking on spit

anxiousanxiousanxious

when things seem
to be going well
i get anxious
expect the other
shoe to drop
and even though i know better
the goddamned
self fulfilling prophecy
rares its snout

my poles have begun
oscillating faster
than normal and i cannot
get a grip
trudging through
endless morning only
to get manic at night
needing sleep
needing to write
constantly fucking needing

but i am home
with the kids