slowly pushing needles into the corner of my eyes

i can feel the drill boring into my temples as the ice hammer thumps the top of my skull

sense it as they flay the skin from the soles of my feet and bath them in salt and acid

all while rabid monkeys beat my shins with barbed wire bats

is this hell, have i died and the weights of all my earthly sins and desires come to fruition in the form of eternal torment

the corkscrew into the inner ear, the fire ants in my nasal passages

the whispered just out of focus laments of loss and brief bouts of sobreity

lips chapped from the never ending squall of arid wind and gritty sand

fat and blackened tongue from years of dehydration

swollen lymph nodes and carpet burnt knees

all those fleeting dalliances another mark upon a tattered and weary soul destined to sink into the abyss of mortal whim

nerve endings cauterized in a state of constant panic induced agony

there is a theramin in my mind echoing every word ever uttered in anger and pain, warped and hollow

my wrists are slit and a river of blood is pouring down my naked form and i can see the worms in my veins swim against the current

i feel the shards of glass as they are driven under my fingernails

the small bomb placed at the base of skull enough to flare throughout my nervous system but not enough to sever the spine

frostbitten and badly burnt in turn, rotating on a spit of elemental remorse

insomnia and paranoia, self immolation and a playground made of rust covered razors

one more time down the slide

a barbed wire codpiece, electrified and ever tightening

if i sleep they will feast upon my sorry frame, if i dream the visions of inadequacy will haunt me until i awake screaming in this labyrinth of sadism again

if i sleep it will all begin anew

if i sleep

if