baked muffins this morning

the kids chowed them down

i choked down the sadness as spring break comes to an end

our last day together

the silence calls again

the void of a life alone for two weeks

they don’t want to leave

i don’t want to take them back

they are the only lifeline i have to being a person

every other option is disinterested at best

i want more but fear that time has passed

for now plaster on the fake smile and have one last day of life

then at six tonight close the coffin lid on happy

the phone the only light in the box

and it never lights up

not in the way i would hope

bruised knuckles pounding on the lead lined lid

voice hoarse from screaming

dehydrated, disposed, dried out, dragged under, diagnosed as incapable of being adored

hide sharp objects from the whispers in the dark

sleep

embrace the waterfall of ragged inaccessible impotence

so tired anyway

rest could do me good

heal the fragments of their leaving

silence the words

anything

now it is them and warm muffins

golden brown pockets of wonder

i hope the smell doesn’t fade