bi-solar

with the rapidly depleting ice caps, my mental state has shifted to bi-solar

i’d hoped it would melt away as well, as the final starving polar bears cling to shrinking icebergs maybe there would be a shift in me as well, no more polar ice caps, no more wild swings

the longer days, the lingering state of hopelessness, i can feel the sweet siren call of need, of wanting to get a bunch of unnecessary things to combat the feeling of impending doom

it’s always this way after a wonderful manic bout

the words and their sultry whispers now have a tinge of paranoia

the urge to delete all of my writings, tear them apart as the insipid cries for more that they are is fierce

it may be wise to allow someone else control of this island of insanity until the sun is no longer a skybound spy watching me from over the rooftops, trying to convince me that it is not some evil entity seeking to destroy

it is trying to lure me outside

i know it

can tell

probably blinding me from the presence of snipers on the roofs, of assassins in the bushes, while i squint at the ball of fire and lies they are cutting my brake lines, slashing my tires

how long has that man been sitting in his car

once in a particularly heavy state of cognitive dissonance i was convinced there was a detective chronicling my every move

the look on his face when i confronted him was sheer terror at the one hundred seventy pounds of snarling bald man carrying a cane

if he only knew it was a sword cane, the hidden blade made to be inserted and snapped off, the cobra head reattached as if just a regular pommel

i scared myself that day, i was convinced, sure as i am left handed he was after me with nefarious intent

now i keep the blinds closed

block out the eye of helios and any errant foe determined to spill my blood

at least i will be able to sleep

as the plunge into the brink of madness drags me down, from inchoate to incoherent eventually back to manic and overly creative

just need to buckle down and ride it out

but i see them, lying in the tall grass, ghili suits and blackened weapons, feel their steely stares

not today you bastards

not today

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