1)

i realized i am probably afraid of emotional attachment

see every woman i’ve ever loved tossed me away

except for one

but she did everything but toss me away and then screamed when the lack of anything became too much of something and i left

2)

don’t much care for heights anymore

not that i don’t like the heights

but the sudden drop seems counter productive

1)

i’m afraid of emotional attachment much like i’m afraid of heights

it isn’t the act that bothers me so much as the sudden stop

that’s what gets you

3)

spiders are strange

when i was a kid at the pet store with my aunt i was fooling around and a display of tarantulas fell over on me

they were those plastic terrarium like cages

the furry bastards crawled all over me and i panicked

i can still feel them on my skin

1)

emotional attachments are like those spiders

even after it is all over they still crawl across my skin like phantoms

if i close my eyes i can see them looking at me and smiling with eyes wide with love

and then i can see the look of disgust as they leave

tried of my shit

2)

we had this giant rickety old ladder everyone called the widowmaker

it was an a frame ladder and took two of us to carry

you’d get to the top and your buddy would have to hold it steady and the damned thing would creak and sway as you did your business

i hated that damned thing

1)

sometimes being in a relationship is like carrying the widowmaker

a real bitch to navigate if you’re not both on the same page

and when you get to the top

well there is only one place to go after

tenatively climbing back down to the ground

holding on as tightly as you can

4)

i love the ocean

and it scares me as well as inspires me to no end

all that water and none of it potable

and we still haven’t explored most of it

who knows what prehistoric monstrosity still hunts miles down

if a plane crashes you can see the ground speeding up at you

down there in the dark it is just unseen horrors

the serenity of the lapping waves and subtle call to abandon the world above of air breathers and to just sink slowly beneath and just drift away

1)

being in love is like exploring the bottom of the ocean

if you step wrong or kick up too much silt you never know what may decide to consume you

and the entire relationship is a matter of consuming one another as it is

becoming more alike as you munch on the parts you crave

trying to change the things you dislike

never knowing how deep still waters truly lie and afraid of the things hidden deep under the surface

5)

i love to fly but hate taking off and landing

that sudden drop of your stomach

the lurching feeling

not cool

but i would happily fly forever between destinations above the clouds

1)

the same thing with relationships

the nerves at the beginning

sweaty palms

the dire need to be with her

missing her constantly when we’re apart

and the knowledge of impending disaster

the cold shoulders

the silent treatment

the fighting over things that don’t make one lick of difference in the grand scheme you’re just both so tired of the failings you miss the things that made it worth overall

and then it’s over and you stumble around for days

in a daze

vertigo and nausea filling you where the light of love once lay

but that middle part

oh for that sweet sanctuary

6)

when i think of her, the her that is you, i’m willing to set aside all the petty regrets of a life of regrets

to become a man worthy of your sweet touch

but we both know that this leopard can’t change his spots, this spider can’t spin anything but half rate poetry

and i’ll never be the man i think i need to be to love someone as perfect as you

and it kills me inside

but you are so goddamned worth it

i want to drown in you

7)

i dislike poems as lists still