the day started like it always does, not with a bang but a whimper of denial, the rebound headache forcing the reminder that new day doesn’t mean fresh anything

blink my eyes and wait for them to focus on the nothing surrounding me

this nothing a more familiar nothing than the previous nothing of the hotel

but it does feel different this time

that glass shard of alone doesn’t seem as rigidly stabbed into my left ventricle

as if it became dislodged in my sleep

now more a sliver of white hot pain than ever present pulse restriction

i’m not convinced yesterday wasn’t a dream, a vivid overlay my mind manufactured over the fractured pallid normal pit of despair, a delusion of want spread like honey over the viscous pus of reality

it feels real

like

for a moment

it wasn’t all bad, that someone understood and made it all better

that today isn’t just another day

but the next day

and i can’t recall an actual changing of days just one long continuous day of torture

but the guards don’t rattle the door, the screams of the insane seem hushed

i’ll take tentative steps towards the walls and see if the tale tell dots of snipers in their nest paint my torso red

of the hollow tinny voice comes over the speaker and demands i return to my cell

no escape attempt

no

feel out the situation and enjoy the sun in the yard for a little bit

come back here but don’t close the door all the way

just in case

maybe shoot some hoops and just bask under the endless sky going up into eternity

plan the escape tomorrow or next week or next month

but let the seed germinate as the sun shines