“Hello?”

“—”

“Mona?”

“—”

“What in the hell? Hello!”

“Hello Michael.”

“Hello? Who’s there?”

“I’m hurt. You don’t know who I am?”

“There’s no one there.”

“Isn’t that how you always described me? An absentee father?”

“I doubt it. The only one I ever describe like that is…”

“Go on…”

“No.”

“Come on.”

“No way.”

“Say it. You know who I am. Now say it out loud.”

“Fuck that. Ned? Ted? Which of you assholes is doing this. Not that it matters, I wouldn’t be able to figure out which of you it was anyway.”

“Stop this. There is no one here to impress with your petty mental gymnastics. It’s just us.”

“No.”

“Yes. Don’t fight. You’ve fought your share of battles. It’s time to relax. Finally. You’ve endured so much. More than seems fair, I’ll admit that. I failed you.”

“Stop this. It isn’t fucking funny.”

“It isn’t a joke.”

“What was my first dog’s name?”

“Baxter.”

“First kiss.”

“Consentually or when you were…”

“No. How many women have I loved?”

“All of them. The only thing bigger than your ability for self hatred was your love for others.”

“How many of them loved me?”

“All of them.”

“Then what happened?”

“They weren’t the one.”

“Is there a one?”

“Yes.”

“Will I ever find her?”

“Now that is a weighted question, isn’t it?”

“Am I dead?”

“Almost.”

“I was a terrible person. Why would you be here for me now?”

“Sometimes it is what I do.”

“No. Bullshit. I’ve done nothing to deserve your attention.”

“But you have. Many things. Some kf them even good ones.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious.”

“Sure. You don’t even exist.”

“Hurtful.”

“Sorry. Not really sorry sorry. Somewhat sorry.”

“Better.”

“Why are you here?”

“Why did you drive him to hospital?”

“I hurt him.”

“He attacked you.”

“Because of her and her lies.”

“So he was a victim. And you couldn’t abide letting a victim suffer.”

“He was right to hate me. Even if I didn’t know about him. If I had…”

“I know. You would have never done the things you did. And that brings us here. Choices need to be made.”

“Choices?”

“Yes Michael. Choices. You know what those are. You’ve run from them your entire adult life.”

“Really? Life lessons after the fact?”

“Would you have listened before?”

“Depends on your definition of before.”

“And that brings us here.”

“Do whatever you want. I don’t really fucking care.”

“I know that.”

“Where were you? Why didn’t you ever step in? You could have stopped her from hurting me. Stopped the other her from touching me. Stopped all the fucking others. Where the fuck were you? I needed a hero to save me and you did nothing but watch.”

“Free will.”

“Oh fuck off with your free will. That’s an excuse to do nothing. Fuck that and fuck you.”

“Michael. Watch yourself.”

“Isn’t that your thing? She beat the shit out of me every chance she got. You let her. When the other made me do those things I was too young to do. You watched. Did it get you hard? Watching a child get abused? Molested? Beaten down and stripped of being a child?”

“No. I wept for you.”

“Yet you did nothing real. Well guess what sky dad? I stopped needing you a long fucking time ago. I certainly don’t need you now.”

“I failed you my son.”

“I am not your fucking son. John was my father.”

“He was my son as well.”

“Oh my, well, You. Do you hear yourself? Narcissistic bastard.”

“I understand your anger. I do. But there is a time and a place for it.”

“Either send me to hell or back to earth. Same thing. But don’t coddle me or pretend you care now. You don’t get to do that. You don’t have that right.”

“Are you sure? You could be with your father again. There is no pain here. You could meet your idols. Laugh with them. Learn from them.”

“And what about my friends?”

“They’ll grieve. And move on.”

“They need me.”

“Sure they do, but once you’re gone… life keeps going.”

“And the baby?”

“She’ll be fine. Mona and Trudy will raise her to be just like you. Without the baggage of a life of pain.”

“She?”

“Yes. A healthy baby girl. She will have your eyes and mouth. Your capacity for love. Your humor.”

“Maybe I need them.”

“That’s the question then, isn’t it?”

“Stay here or go back. Get kicked around until it’s my time. Maybe find her. Find happiness.”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll let me decide?”

“Yes Michael. After what you’ve endured, it seems right.”

“I still hate you.”

“I know. It saddens me but I understand.”

“As long as we’re clear. Do me one favor?”

“Ask and it shall be done.”

“Tell Dad I love and miss him?”

“Of course.”

“Could I have asked for a bigger dick?”

“Michael.”

“I could have. And I wasted it on an I love you. Idiot.”

“It’s time then.”

“Fine. Thanks.”

“For what?”

“The chance.”

“I really thought you were going to ask for a bigger penis as well.”

“I’ve made do. No complaints so far.”

“That’s fair.”

“Okay then. I’m ready.”

“It’s going to hurt.”

“No shit. When has it not?”

“One day. I hope. I’ll see you later…”

“—”

“Mike!”

“—”

“You bastard! I will never fucking forgive you. Ever.”

“mona.”

“Mikey!”

“Stop screaming. I have a headache.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool. I know a secret.”

“You do? Is it about a dumbass that nearly bled out because he is too stubborn to ask for help?”

“No.”

“What would I have done without you?”

“Apparently grieved and moved on.”

“How do I move on from you? You stupid bastard.”

“Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Does it look like my dick is any bigger?”

“What?”

“My penis. Is it bigger?”

“Anything else.”

“Are you crying?”

“No.”

“You look like you’re crying.”

“Just be quiet. The ambulance is on it’s way.”

“Cool.”

“I thought lost you.”

“And it made you cry. Hahaha. Ouch.”

“Asshole.”

“I’m gonna nap now. Don’t cry. Just sleeping.”

“No promises.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Yay.”

“I wasn’t crying.”

“You go to hell for lying Mona.”

“You nearly did. Now rest.”

“I nearly did.”