am i drowning

is that the surface of the sea

or an angler fish in the depths

i can’t tell

and for some reason

call it that fatalistic kill switch in the back of my head

i don’t care

i’ll continue to swim irregardless of direction

until my lungs compress down to the size of a raisin

or cool air greets my throat

it is all the same anymore

in the darkness the difference between predator and prey is negligible

i play either role with abandon

it seems written in my dna

she is out here

somewhere

i taste her in the water

leading me forward

never back

to sunshine and wildflowers and laughter

i know it

like the back of a stranger’s hand

am i drowning

or finally free to swim

we will see as the light grows closer