i have dated two blondes in my long and self destructive career as a failed lover

it seems odd

maybe because the two of them caused more destruction than the countless mousy brunettes i tell myself are my type

the first i have written about so many times i smell her perfume when i read the words she inspired

i would

with no doubt

fall into her arms inmediately again

had she not killed herself fifteen years ago that is

the last was the last time i opened my heart at all to anything but friendship

she and i wanted the exact same things out of life

shared the same dreams

the difference being

i dreamt of them with her

she dreamt of them with another and i was just there as a placeholder

in my dreams they share the same head space and alternate in waves of longing and loving and leaving and lying

two of many loves were beautiful blonde women that each scarred and sculpted me into whatever monstrosity i have become

and lately

they have haunted my dreams