when she left
it felt like
lying in a snow bank
like lying to everyone
it was going to be okay
like
the pieces of my being
were left
lying in the broiler
as i turned up the heat
in hopes
they would
ooze back together again

if absence
makes the heart grow fonder
silence
is a dagger
between
the third and fourth rib

it is funny
not laugh funny
but
the funny of two week old milk
that i don’t love her
not any more
but in dreams
she holds me
against her bosom
and it is all better
until i wake

so now
when i tell you i love you
it is as friends
because if i really loved you
i would understand
why you packed up
and
forgot me

all in or all out

you chose out
as i
fell farther in