i hop out of bed with the force of a star collapsing in upon itself, my twenty three and me traces back to the aliens that molested the apes in the trees, my eyes burn like pepper spray when you accidentally make contact they will leave an afterimage on your retinas for weeks

my smile is considered a deadly weapon, my tongue is registered with the government as an object of mass seduction, you have to sign a waiver before experiencing it’s varied talents, once unleashed emotional attachment is a side effect, use of your legs will return, eventually