Welcome back to another exciting interview with yours truly. This is the second in a series of interviews. If you read the first, you may know I was a little shaky. But I am happy to report, I have done my research and have a handle on it now.
Without further adieu, I’d like to welcome the author of Nachos, a correction and the recently released (un)readable, a book of words
(M Ennenbach) Seriously? You’re going to start this shit right at the start? It is Notches, a collection. And (un)poetic. Did you even read it?
I scrolled through it on my Kindle.
Did you? Maybe you didn’t get it.
Because it is illegible garbage?
No. Look. I really need to get a little exposure and it isn’t like people are knocking on my door for interviews.
Because poetry is crap, I know.
I meant because I am new to the publishing world. Do you have a problem with me? I feel like you are an asshole to me for no reason.
What are you gonna do? Write a poem about me?
What? Why would I do that?
Because you are in touch with your feelings or some crap. Anyway, you suckered someone into publishing a book of poetry. Did you lie and tell them it was 1845?
Ha ha. Yes. I sent them a telegram and expounded upon the virtues of prose. No. I sent in the collection and it was deemed worthy of print.
Was it in Morse Code?
The collection? No. A word document.
How long did that take to send? You must have had to tap out signals for hours. Remember dial up internet? It would take ten minutes to just see one picture of a naked lady.
You are an idiot. It was through a series of emails.
Nope. I just went to an angelfire domain and hoped.
I mean the book, what is wrong with you?
I was curious, mostly. I got pretty good at surfing one handed. Know what I mean?
You are disgusting. Anyway, yes. The book is available on Amazon. It was released by the good folks at Potter’s Grove Press.
Never heard of them.
They are a new press, run by River Dixon.
Never heard of her either.
Him. River is a guy. And an excellent poet as well.
Yawn. Plan on doing any real writing in the future?
I have a collaboration going with Chris Miller…
That’s a woman!
No. He is a writer from Winnsboro Texas. We are writing a cosmic horror novel together. And solo, I am writing a new epic poem, it is at eleven thousand words right now.
Got any photos of River or Chris? I can give you my fax number. Nudes preferably.
I don’t have nudes of either. Not ones I can share at least. Again. Both of them are guys.
After so long on the internet, I’m sure my EarthLink profile has seen a little bit of everything at this point. I got bored of vanilla years ago.
I thought this was an interview about my writing?
It was. Then I got bored. Does it rhyme?
Ugh. Your poetry. I like the kind that rhymes.
There are a few sonnets that adhere to the rhyming conventions. A shanty at the end of The Sea. I mostly just write freeform.
You ever read that classic? Shakespeare I think. There once was a man from Nantucket…
That’s a limerick and not really appropriate. No. There are no limericks. I wrote one once about Cthulhu. It isn’t in the book though.
So you’re into the tentacle stuff.
If by tentacle stuff you mean Lovecraft, sure.
Is that hentai?
No. It is horror.
Depends on what end of the tentacle you find yourself.
I hate you. Seriously. You are the worst.
You suck to interview.
You suck at interviewing.
I have questions somewhere. Oh, this should be good. If you could be any bird, what kind would you be?
A crow, I guess.
And would you still be writing bad poetry as a crow?
You know what? Screw you. It isn’t worth the three people that will read this to put up with you.
Seems the little poet needs a minute to dry his tears. What a wuss. Thanks for reading, next time I’ll try and find someone interesting to talk to. And a shout out to River, send nudes! Grrrrowl. I Ask Jeeves Chris Miller and I’ll pass on those.