the blood
on my knuckles
reminds me
no matter how
insufferable
i may have
become in the
downward spiral
my heart still
wheezes along
despite the
weight pulling me
downdowndown.

how long
had it been
since we last said
we needed
to talk
more often
before we both
got busy
losing each other
in incessant
miseries
that always flourished
in the presence
of our dark halos?

if i could
have spoken to you
before
you made
the hardest choice
i would never
think to
beg you to
reconsider
i would have told you
i love you
and maybe it didn’t
always seem like it
you made my life
richer
for having been in it.

i am greater
for having
been a part
of your life
and the entire
goddamned world
is lesser
in your passing
the sun seemed
cooler
this morning
and the birds
were missing notes.

you’d laugh
at me
for these tears
that keep
pouring
and i would give
my left ventricle
to hear that
one more time
but you’re going
into a box
and i am
still spiralling
downdowndown.