there are stretches
of the texas landscape
that lull me into a
brief moment of frantic
wonder as to where i am
as i dissociate among
the winding scars and
eagles circling above
i cannot recall exactly
if i am still in texas
or if i am driving past
starved rock on my way
down illinois backroads

i am anxious again today
out of sorts once more
when everything gets all
metaphorical and i smash
my feelings into eggshells
tossing them off the cliff
to scatter my ashes over
the different ranches
and forests of pine trees

the last time i passed
through normal there was
an orange and white trailer
hooked up behind me as i
cut down fifty-five before
the sun decided to rise
i only snuck back twice
to celebrate with my dad
and to spread his ashes
likely the closest i will
come to normal ever again

now i lose track of where
i am physically as my mind
races ahead of me through
the past with no thought
as to where i am floundering
in the conflagration of
anxious worry and the still
present ache of came before

i could be in any single hell
of my own creation but the
inability to see where i am
is detrimental to well being
and i wish i knew what waits
at the end of this lonely road
i buried my mind at mile marker
eleven eighteen along with
my dessicated heart in a silver
urn marked with wildflowers

when she finds it then i will
know that i finally made it home