second place

i enjoy watching
people succeed
to see those emotions
so foreign to me
self confidence
contentment in
a job well done
and the much deserved
adulation rained down

i wonder how it feels
as a whirlwind sweeps
through my barren soul
to achieve your dreams

my mental state is such
that nothing i do
will ever be enough
there is no victory
to be had
just the next battle
in need of waging
no restful sleep
just the nagging of
what needs accomplished

it is no way to live
in a constant cycle
of competition where
i am the only judge
and everything sucks

i am never ever enough
and the only constant
is i will inevitably
let you down

so i watch others succeed
then pen another
shitty poem about how
each and every new day
is a struggle
and i never seem to sleep
so they all just
blend together into one
nonstop nightmare of
finishing second in a
completely soliatary
exhibitionist existence

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