merci

my guts are
electrified springs
so much anxiety
i feel as if i could
explode

i dangle from my
last frayed nerve
over a pit filled
with hissing vipers

and i can feel my
sweaty fingers as they
begin to slip

two days trapped in
this constant stabbing
while the world taps
incessantly at the glass
of my chilly terrarium
clearly ignoring
the documentation stating
no loud noises
please

every time i speak
despite best intent
my words fail me
by falling out wrong
causing my eyes to water
and my chest to heave

i cannot breakdown
but the day is done
and the couch calls
while the tension only
seems to heighten

i have the insane urge
to choke
so someone has to
apply the heimlich
and i can feel
human contact
well aware just
how nauseatingly pathetic
the edge of
a panic attack
truly is

my head
won’t stop hurting
and eating pills
by the handful
is doing nothing
except make my stomach
burn

i don’t cry
out for help
but i have been known
to beg
for mercy

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