a prayer for bipolarity

on an overload of nervous energy, my brain is miswired, my thoughts misworded, a misguided missile on a collision course to my own malformed power station, short circuiting joy from ground

my affluency in miseries means no matter how bad it gets it will always get worse

in a fit of hopefulness i cut the lines to the kill switch and by the time i settled back to reality i had forgotten which wire went where and now when ever i flip it i piss my pants and sing hymnals like a drunken moose on the sabbath

everything is moving at the speed of light desperation, i cannot control my breathing, hyperventilating which only makes my stomach hurt worse

i am alight
in paisley dismay
with moments
of polka dotted
clarity
before the sirens scream and the anxiety takes hold once again and i find myself bouncing in place wondering if i will ever sleep again and i want to lay down and wake up on another day when everything isn’t a hadron collision of pain and silent despair emitting new forms of matter to showcase how i never will matter myself no matter how hard i batter myself to be better, the fact of the matter is there is no better, just sadder and worse, and i am not bitter, just too tired to function and too wired to sleep

this is an accurate description of the loop playing at full volume in my head

someone please
unplug me

no matter how hard i batter myself to be better, the fact of the matter is there is no better, just sadder and worse

and thus i vibrate in place
amen

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