flawed clarity

the worst of the anxiety
has passed leaving
this new anxiety over
what the old anxiety
did to me the day before
an oroborus of madness
in cyclical repetition
making sleepless nights
no different than these
nightmare fueled days

i can control
my breathing today
letting the words
tumble gently
excepting that
last night i took
a rusty hook
and filthy thread
to sew my mouth shut
so my traitorous brain
was forced into a
muffled silence

all of my flaws
are left on public display
so it is easy to
set off my insanities
while i quell
my need to be comforted
knowing comfort
is a dream
i didn’t dare dream
in the silent night
spent weeping alone
as my mind waged war
with exhausted longing

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