helplessness in the key of exhaustion

he was a train
of snot and vomit
as i stood
just outside
my stomach clenched
with every heave
a glass of water
ready along with
paper towels as he
threw up everything
he has ever eaten

snatching at the
dreamlessness of
momentary fits in
almost sleeping
hopeless in a cycle
of helpless need
each new wave of sick
reigniting worries
an anxietal malaise
in every vomitous beat

begging the cosmos
to take all the sick
the pain and the worry
and place it directly
upon my aching shoulders
wishing upon dead stars
a misery of knowing
no matter how willing
to accept every ounce
of my loved ones suffering
the uncaring universe
greets each fervent
prayer with indifference

it has been four hours
since the last bout
the apartment is silent
a pall of exhaustion
in a diffusion of light
i sit prepared for the
next bout while hoping
maybe the storm has passed
an uncertainty hanging
heavily on every
shuddering yawn of defeat

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