three times each

it’s an itch
pull everything to
the edge of the table
even line
all in a row
largest remains
the rest line up
in a straight line
with the top
the remote has
a round bottom
that doesn’t lend itself
to the correct order
slightly elliptical in shape
a guessing game
get the angle right
itch itch itch
realign but it just
keeps itching
anxious and in desperate
need of sleep
but who can rest
when the fucking table
got bumped and everything
needs to be straightened
and none of my fucking routines
are making it

stop
stop
stop

three i love yous
whispered three times each
carried by sparrows
where my voice cannot reach

i think maybe i am
the vaudevillian villain
tying a damsel
to the tracks
twirling my magnificent
mustachios while cackling
as i line her up
perfectly straight
perpendicular to
the steel rails
parallel to the oil
soaked wooden beams

and i cannot
scratch the itch
spiders skitter
across my skin
three times three times three
sinking ever faster
downdowndown
everything smells like bleach
and my hands are chapped
scrub a dub dub
half asleep in the tub

the thoughts ping
silver pinballs
crashing against the
lavender indentions
in my skull
the pressure makes the
two thin plates
of the contact touch
one grounded
one live
completing the circuit
causing a transistor
to open and a solenoid
to energize and push
the rod out snapping the
filthy rubber band
as the display of
near total breakdowns
ticks up incrementally

breathebreathebreathe

just try not to
think

listen for the whistle
as the train
rumbles down the tracks
rhythmic
the slow wooosh
matching my heartbeat
shuddering the empty buildings
the gravel baffles
the vibration
but nothing can stop
the thunderous sound

fix the machine
to distract yourself
from what you cannot
possibly hope
to fix inside
the anxiety tingles
just waiting to
go to ground and
complete the circuit

even row against the edge
tallest remains
i need a new remote
rectangular
the need for order
outweighs any
insignificant ergonomics

three i love yous
whispered three times each
carried by sparrows
where my voice cannot reach

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