i assume
you’re still alive
there hasn’t been
an email saying
any different
nor a call
or a message
except that one
from my cousin
saying you might
have had cancer
a few years back

how long has it
been since we talked?

thirteen years
three months
and four days

how do i know
to the exact
number of days?

it was when
my son was born
and i called you
to say you were
a grandmother
for the secobd time
your grandaughter was four
and you had yet
to meet her
and you told me
you would be down
to see them both

but you went to
germany instead

do you remember?

and we never
spoke again

tonight is
the first choir
concert of your
granddaughter’s
senior year
and that little girl
is now a woman
getting closer to
conquering the world
and that newborn
has developed into
a brilliant
soon to be man

a few years back
they asked about you
both were surprised
to hear you
were still alive
some stranger
a thousand miles away
a faded photo
hanging on the fridge
not even a ghost
just a blur
where someone
could have been

tonight i will
sit proudly with
tears streaming down
my weathered face
as she sings
and i will crush her
with a hug after
before driving home
to a lonely apartment
bathed in melancholy
at how fast time
truly flies by
and you will do
whatever it is
you have done for
the last thirteen years
three months and
four days
which is not being
a part of their journey
and that is okay
because they are well
and that is all
that really matters

i will write again
when the call comes
for a funeral i
will not be attending
perhaps i will go
to germany instead
one last lesson learned
from the queen of
putting herself
first at all times

the kids are great
me?
the struggle continues
unabated once more