panicked motions

another panic attack
three am sitting on the
edge of the bed trying
to remember how to breathe
in between the dry heaves
i suspect santeria in
conjunction with the blood
moon pulling my bipolar
psychosis into a feedback
squall of screaming static
everything is tinged in
palpable darkness as
errant synapses fire into
the long cold night where
prayers are mulched to
feed the gaping maw of
universal disinterest
a frozen ball of choking
panic spinning faster just
beyond my flopping tongue
as i traverse the well
worn hallway into another
redemptionless resurgence
of pinprick pupils and an
oversaturation of needled
beads of adrenalized sweat

i force myself into the
shower as the hot water beats
the stiffness in my overly
tensed muscles into a pliable
mass of coiled vipers as
the venom courses and ribs
snap from this marianas
seizure of crushing lament
this virus has infected my
poetic with an indecency of
baleful incoherence while
i cling to beauty tightly
begging for a reprieve i
know i am undeserving of
the ink swirls lazily down
through hair clumps and the
residual scales shed in a
raspy hiss of my own subtle
disregard for anything other
than a molten moment where
the effervescent terrors halt

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