today tomorrow to hell

it was nearly
eighty and
the sun blessed
the city with
a bounty of
gentle kisses
and today
my beloved texas
has shifted along
with its lonesome
fool forty degress
into a blank
mass of shapeless
gray disillusion

i was asked
to be on a panel
of neurodivergent
authors because
of my open
struggles with
my own faulty brain
which was an
honor then
but at the bad
side of a spinout
it feels like
i will be paraded
out and given
piteous stares
an attraction to
be sadly encouraged
to keep up
the good fight

today i am
too tired to
fight this
from being on
top of the world
with all the
ahead of me
to suicidal
ideation as
i sit in an
empty parking
garage under
yellow lights
in a gray hell

when i am at
the top of the cycle
i hope my madness
gives hope to
those hopeless few
struggling along
with me as we
scream in lowercase
into the abyss
at the bottom
i know it is
only commiseration
keeping the ship
bobbing in place

today i am far
too ugly for this
beautiful world
of sanguistic woe
a speck of
bird shit running
down the windshield
of infinite smiles
tomorrow i have
no idea who will
wake in my skin
just that he will
face a sandstorm
with no flesh

but he isn’t really
my concern today

2 thoughts on “today tomorrow to hell

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