waves of anxiety and sorrow radiate from the core of my very being

like a black talon around my heart

knowing that the end of the long weekend of kids and life is going to close down and become the solitary existence again in less then three hours

that the long drive home alone with only tears as companions

back to the emptiness of survival

holding onto the last remnants of sanity and joy so tightly it is compressed and becomes a parody of what it once was

sadly reconsidering the online world of dating again

knowing it will amount to nothing

but unable to handle the quiet

every attempt to cultivate something has been meant with denial or games

led on only to be reminded ad nauseum that the time is wrong, i am wrong, the world itself is fighting against it

in my mind there is hope though my words say different

that clawed hand squeezing my heart into a chunk of coal fights to smother any light

but one day

one day it has to happen

right

these chains shall be shattered and the muscles built by the last year of crushing torment shall form armor around the delicate bits

or the poison that has taken root shall taint all

and this darkness that seems to hover around my soul shall be all that remains

the broken rampart of the devestated keep that once sent music and light through the land

a cracked tombstone with an epitaph carved in misspelled prose

here lies the rancid poet
died as he lived
born to a world of pain
destined to rot
alone