thank you

‘it’s funny how i trusted you

thought that you were different

but when backs were to the wall you fled

how you played at being nervous as an excuse

got the attention you craved and then ran away

it is my fault

for seeing in you something special

being drawn into your web

for encouraging and being here for you

but the real you came out

the one hiding behind others

using them as an excuse to stay in your bubble

fuck you for that

for leading me on

playing a game only you know the rules to

for expecting me to stay hidden while you tell the world you’re weak

i am not a toy, a doll to hold when you feel like it and toss to the side when you think someone is looking

you’ll read this and act hurt

surprised

but we will both know the truth

we do

don’t we

that you pushed until i moved and than claimed you were trying to pull me closer

and i am the fool

you aren’t the first to play me this way

but i thought maybe this time would be different

that you were who you portrayed

the sad one that was pining away

the victim

the martyr

the lonely one with no where to go

abused by society and the judgemental town

trying to claw your way back to happiness after so long in despair

i imagined i was the knight and you the damsel fair

i would slay the dragons and keep you safe

write to you

about you

make you know how special you truly are

i trusted you

and you left me when i was in need the most

a common thread in my life since childhood

the smart ass no one could stand

sarcasm like chainmail around a battered heart

protection i took down in an effort to show you who i am

but your actions the last month have proven the reality of the situation

when it comes to reading hearts i am illiterate

dyslexic

dysfunctional

dim witted

undesirable me

your mask slipped to the side in a slow dance at the masquerade

and the silence said more than words could hope to convey

in the weeks since you went quiet i thought to reach out

but you made it clear you are a private person

and respectful the fool always pretends

and now there is nothing where dreams used to reside

an empty place where the seeds find no purchase in barren soil

and i am left with bitter bladed words that cut the one who wields them

so thank you

for opening eyes into a vacant stare

and helping kill the last remnants of hope and salting the earth behind you

thanks

from the shriveled fruit rotting on the vine’

i watch as he closes his notebook and sets his phone down

stands up and walks precariously close to the edge

and blows a kiss into the air with a wistful smile of farewell

and before i can speak he jumps

the smile etched on his face

i open the book to the last refrain

and see he was writing to you but based it off of me

and as i gaze over the edge

it looks peaceful

the swirling vapor of low hanging clouds and infinity in a lovers embrace

and i begin to write

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