another scar was formed

i was driving home

just wiped out

done

pulled up to home

and as i did one of those stupid love songs came on

the one you tell yourself to delete

but you can’t pull the trigger

and with dread

the shuffle goes

and the first notes hit you like a hammer to the jaw

i was tired

and i sat in the car listening

unable to get out of the fucking car

and as the chords strummed down the core of my being

all i wanted was to get out

but i had to hear it until the end

and i wish you were sitting there

because the words were meant for you

and it killed me knowing you would never be sitting beside me as the tears roll down my cheek

i sang it to you

could you feel it

for three minutes

i poured my fucking heart out to you in the only way i can

in the only way i will

and as those words echoed in the car

i forgot how tired i was from work

the bone weary feeling of knowing i’ll never hold you in my arms

that i’ll never kiss your neck and whisper my love into your ear

it destroyed me

so i’ll whisper it again

one last time

and let the dream die

as the last notes ring

then i’ll delete the song

set the car on fire

stagger inside and let boiling water shower down to burn the imaginary taste of you off of my tongue

sear it from my flesh

but for three minutes

i put every last ounce of me into the air

knowing it would never reach you

another scar was formed

11 thoughts on “another scar was formed

  1. damn. I think I’ve done nearly the exact same thing… at least down to the burning of the car. This evokes such a deep longing and my heart, oh my heart, it dies just a little bit, shrivels and swells with a deep ache. One, I wonder what that special song is that makes you think of her. Two, I wonder if she knows just how you feel for her. Three, I’ll keep to myself. Really great job on this Mike. It’s terrible and glorious all at once.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. the song changes depending on where i am. it can be the eels or alkaline trip or bully. a lot of the time since last year it has been bully. i went and saw her in concert in December (bully is, god don’t get me started the album losing fuck me running it is so good.) she, if she even exists, would never know how i feel because. well i don’t have a good reason. tired of being trampled i guess. and three you kept to yourself

      Liked by 2 people

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