20.

good bye

19.

i hate her

with an all encompassing fucking hatred

what was i thinking

i’m an idiot

i love her

18.

fuck i miss her

17.

everything hurts

reminds me of her

i can’t get out of bed

why would i

what’s the fucking point in anything

it’s all just a reminder of what i lost

16.

i blocked her number

i’m fine

better off without her

we cannot let ourselves be defined by another

find our value in another’s affections

we must stand up and be our own person

she’ll regret this

one day

15.

she called and i answered

we talked

really talked

made some headway

this could all be a misunderstanding

she needs her space

i get that

goddess knows i’m hard to be around on the good days

we’ll work it out

a bump in the road

a fucking bump in the road

14.

she left

13.

she made a comment today about getting married

it caught me by surprise

we looked at places to do it online

nothing fancy

simple

friends and family

afterwards i went and put a deposit on a ring

12.

it’s falling apart

she thinks i don’t notice

but i do

i’m stupid

not blind

11.

this was the first time we fought and i felt doubt

doubt of her

of us

of everything

she said things i never expected

i said things back i’d never realized i felt

cracks forming at the edges

she takes me for granted

and i do the same to her

what happened

10.

she’s picking at me like i’m a scab she’s trying to work free

just tenatively scratches at the edges

almost enough to draw blood

not quite though

i don’t know what her fucking problem is lately

maybe work

fuck

enough already

i love her

but sometimes

the stress of work and bills

that’s all it is

just a bump in the road

9.

she got a promotion

i’m so proud of her

she is succeeding like i knew she would

we get less time together

but that’s fine

it’s for our future together

sacrifice now

dividends later

i think she really is the one

8.

we moved in together

i can’t believe it

found a nice place uptown

a little expensive

a lot expensive

but now that she’s got her new job

it’ll be alright

my friend’s worry we’re moving to fast

but they’re all married

they forgot what it’s like to be in love

7.

three months

how in the hell did time fly by so fast

we haven’t spent a night apart in two

the sex

she is amazing and knows exactly what i like without me saying a word

thank god

most of the time i can’t form coherent thought

we laugh all the time

i still feel tingles when she says she loves me

i hope this feeling never fades

it won’t

not this time

she is special

we fit together like two puzzle pieces

i can’t wait for work to be over so i can head to her place and take her out for our anniversary

6.

her parents are so sweet

well her mom is

her dad is still feeling me out

his baby girl and all

i get it

i wanted to sing to them how much i love her

how i’ll always protect her

never make her cry

i’ll prove it to them

it’s as easy as breathing

she is the air i need

oh fuck that’s cheesy

but true

5.

we made love for the first time

she is everything in the world i find attractive

her every part is perfection

it was sweet and slow

eye contact and kissing

her legs wrapped around me and we were one

not just physically

but every way

I could feel her love roll through me like crashing waves against my soul

is that a contradiction

who cares

it’s never been like this

not once before

i need to learn to write poetry so i can express how she makes me feel

is that lame

who cares

i am in fucking love with my dream girl

4.

we kissed and i felt electricity course through me

i wanted to consume her

to never stop kissing her

we sat in the car for an hour and half outside her place

if the neighbors hadn’t turned on lights we might have stayed there a night long

i drove home and could still feel her lips on mine

she has me wrapped around her finger

before she got out

i blurted out i love you

she said it back

my heart is still skipping beats just thinking if the words falling out of her sensual perfect mouth

i don’t think i’ll sleep tonight

3.

we talked on the phone for eight hours

my phone died and i called her back with the charger plugged in so she knew i didn’t hang up

it’s crazy how much we have in common

how easy it is to talk to her

i can’t believe she gave me her number

or agreed to go out with me

she told me if i’d tried to kiss her tonight she would have let me

i hated myself for not

but i told her it’s because i’m a gentleman

it was because i’m an idiot

but she liked that i didn’t

1.

we’re going out to dinner tomorrow

i’m so nervous

how long has it been since i’ve gone out on a date date

what do i wear

what do i say

i’m going to blow it

i’m so bad at this shit

and she is so far out of my league

i’ve got this

i don’t

oh fuck me why did i ask her for her number

i’m an idiot

0.

met a cute girl today

we chatted

for some reason i got the nerve to ask for her number

she gave me one

probably a fake

i’ll see if she actually answers

ask her out to dinner or something

she’ll say no

no big deal

but man is she pretty

what’s the worst that can happen