spent the last two hours with my heart racing as i tried to convince myself i needed to fall asleep

at least get a nap in

i don’t know what had my mind incapable of shutting the fuck up

i dozed

on

off

more off than on

brief respites

i am convinced

out there

somewhere

someone has a voodoo doll of me, a mangy little bundle of sticks with a bald head and ugly little face

a near perfect rendition of yours truly

and during the night they whisper things into the earring bedazzled little nubs

failure

anxiety

never mean anything to anyone

softly whispered truths

and it travels the spectral plane and jars me into this half awake paralyzed state of over working brain that keeps me hovered at the edge of exhaustion

to the holder of said doll

i am sure whatever i did to you was heinous

and while probably a legitimate and deserved torture

if you could let me sleep a little

maybe light the doll on fire a bit

stab it in the testicles with a needle

gentle choking

no

just let me get more than fifteen minutes of connected sleep

half an hour

maximum

it would be swell

i’m sorry, probably, for whatever i did, maybe, we both know i am not a good person and this crime or crimes, knowing me, multiple

well i suck

and i love you

just leave me alone tonight

or come over

we can chat

maybe kiss a little

cuddle on the couch for a while

no sex though

i’m a gentleman and you are, if we are both being frank and i’d like to think we are at this point, trying to kill me slowly

i will consent to foreplay

fingers and mouths only

and then you let me sleep

and maybe lay the voodoo down for the rest if the night

pull the nails out of it’s round little shiny skull

that sounds fair

i am going to work now, you think about it the rest of the day and tonight we can talk it out

or just kiss deeply until the sun rises in the east