i stayed up last night staring at the ceiling lost in thought, eyes heavy with precipitation just at the edge of falling, gathering up on my cheeks like dew

what more could i do

i’d like to say i fell asleep and dreams of you danced inside my head, but the ceiling was so alluring and it’s the only thing i had

it’s the only thing i had

and i whispered to it softly, barely a sound in the room, the fan blowing on me was louder but i still hope the words reached you

did any of it find you

don’t remember the exact phrasing as my voice was choked with pain, can’t recall more than intent but i was wishing you were here or at least feeling the same

at least feeling the same

i laid there bargaining with the emptiness above, just a sign of it’s existence, just one small chance at love, and i wondered if you ever did the same

or am i just insane

and the music was still streaming even though it was shut off, little songs of loss and heartache that i couldn’t tell of they were real or just an extension of me reaching out to you

reaching out to you

thought of all the other people sleeping happily in bed, all the people dreaming but not of what they have, and i’d give five years off this life sentence i face

just for a fraction of that

they don’t know what they have

tonight will be no different, more of this status no, more staring and thinking of the things i’ve wanted but this garden doesn’t grow

even though i wish it so

and still

i want you either way

be it dream or reality

i need you either way

you’re a part of me

i want you either way

to my own dismay

i need you either way

what more can i say