i was looking
for something
i was sure
i had written
or
possibly dreamed
but i knew
somewhere
sometime
i had scribbled
something
so i scrolled
and scrolled
through my own
endless
blatherings
countless odes
piteous screams
unrecognizing
the words
looking at titles
first verses
searching
through hundreds
of pedantic pieces
looking for the one
i was sure
i had written
that one time
when
that one mood had struck
or
that one star had fallen
or
was it a tear
where was i
the park
the mall
another state
another state of mind
it was during
the current round
of
irrational desperation
i just know it

lost
in an avalanche
of my own words
unremembered
i need an editor
or therapist
or a lover
or bottle of pills
or jagged shard of glass
or an ending
or possibly
a new beginning

maybe
i have already written
all the words necessary
now
it is up to the reader
to find the point
learn the lesson
then teach it
to me

i don’t want
to have to read my own words
because
they taste bitter
as i swallow them
the taste lingers
until everything
is ash