laying in the dark
connecting dots
unveiling a picture
i would rather deny
but self denial is
a lot like self acceptance
in the two are things
i have learned to
live without along with
so many other things
that seem inalienable
yet pass right through
my spaceship along with
dangerous levels of
solar irradiated panic

i remind myself i have
to drive two hours
first thing in the morning
and even if the recommended
amount of sleep is eight
or so hours the three
i typically get is looking
a lot more like nothing
and i am so goddamned angry
at myself for being
this manic fucking mess
that i toss and turn
enough to light the city

i wish to god that i
believed in god and that
there was a purpose to
the inevitable entropy
slowly dismantling my mind
but i am just smart enough
to embrace the chaos and
carry a case of molotovs
because burning it all down
sounds like a perfect
nightcap for another
sleepless fucking night
talking to the ceiling and
remaining well aware that
silence is the only answer