it wasn’t the words
that choked me
it was my pride at
being relegated to
the shadows i had to
learn to swallow
and i realized it
wasn’t pieces of me
i was losing
it was the pieces
tossed in the trash
no one had a use for
swirling in an abyss
as i gave more away
thinking i was helping
when i was just making
an ass of myself on
repeat ad nauseam

and i sit here at
the airport watching
the planes fly far
wishing i were on one
headed anywhere else
needing a new horizon
to face the same ills
somewhere no one knows
how little i matter
where i can begin to
disappoint a new crowd
with the same tired
party tricks as bored
eyes dismiss me the same
as familiar eyes saw
through me with no
change of expression
a place i can vanish
to the amazement of none

orange tinted lights
elongate the shadows of
this packed garage where
latchkey vehicles sit
patiently awaiting the
arrival of loved ones
while i wait for an
appointment to install
a machine in an office
before going to another
parking garage to
another office building
down the same highways
in an example of how
insanity is doing the
same thing and expecting
different results the
same as everyday while
waiting for an ending
to the monotony of this
miserable half existence