another passively aggressive message searching for fresh water in the brine

another plea for me to cage this piece of me to accommodate her feelings

no more

i apologize for opening up and that not fitting the mold of me you painstakingly made

but

this vortex of emotion has consumed me

the worms in my brain pan have wriggled out the stopper

and out comes things better left buried

corners of myself long chained to the cold stone walls burst forth

i dream in technicolor radiance

no clue what the future entails

but this need

burning lust for more

excruciating and intoxicating

it simmers and threatens to boil over

igniting flames of passion

sending explosions into the air to frighten the bats that have roosted for too long in my belfry

i’m tired of reining myself in to present a polished gem

i am flawed

and have deep seated feelings i have left untouched for too long

this isn’t for you

any of this

some may be aimed at towards you

but they are mine

even if you are the subject of them, which if we’re being honest, you are not

no

because of your inference and assumptions that you are she and she is most certainly not you no matter how you try and fit the description

enough of dampening my emotional discourse in an effort to appease your damning judgement

your silky messages

and your claims to my immortal heart

you want the real me to shine

but are you prepared to face your reflection once the light exposes the monster within

can you face the face that stares back from hooded eyes and secret agendas

you had a chance and pissed it away on greener pastures now you seek a sign that i am yours again

i’m not yours

i’m not even my own

wrapped in plain brown paper and waiting for the delicate grasp of she whom i gladly give myself to

take your predefined definition of who you think i should be and casually fuck yourself to death with your hubris

i’ll speak for me and you can seek the hidden meanings in metaphorical dalliance on your own

twist the words until they suit your petty needs

and i shall find my own definition

even in rejection

i shall pour myself out as the words dictate

not yours

and if that means you walk away

good riddance to bad rubbish

i don’t know where the road leads

but it isn’t defined

not by you

but by the symphonic disharmony ever present in my mind

i’m sorry

but this has always been my path

if i deem it necessary to put this her onto a pedestal so i may worship freely at her feet

i shall

their are those that opened up to me and helped me to find my voice

to those i shall remain ever indebted

but those that question and probe for your own selfish needs

begone to whatever rock you crawled out of

and to those that have supported the poet illiterate

know i love you

with this misshapen heart and misspoken words

my quasi-intellectual misgivings and quasimodo bell ringings

and to her

that undefined spectre of beauty and truth

the muse unknowing

it is for you most of all

for you were instrumental in picking the lock that set free the caged beast that so angered the vocal minority

and i owe you for that