vicariously

my tank is empty today

unless a screaming banshee if a head ache counts

if so

i’m full to overloaded

stressed and depressed

roaming alone

everyone i know is either ecstatic or drowning

the drowning far outnumber the happy

use our hands to dance across the placid surface of the lake

we the forgotten

doomed to float just beneath the surface

can you see us here

mouths locked in rictus silent screams

do we exist in your joy

we of the shallow grave and weakly beating hearts

the unknown soldiers in the fight you seem to have won

i’d love to be one of you smiling victors

instead of painting on a grin and hoping no one sees my eyes

the streaking mascara is a fashion choice

not from tears

they say it’s lonely at the top

seems overcrowded at the bottom yet we’re still all by ourselves on these infinitely spreading plains of solitude

but if you trip

i’ll catch you

push you back onto your feet

you deserve better than this

i’ve marked out my kingdom of despondency

you should be in the sunshine

skating on happiness

it’s okay

i can see you

live vicariously through you

it’s enough

it has to be

One thought on “vicariously

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