i sat on the bench outside the hotel

my internment camp away from home and watched them

he opened the door of the car for her and carried in all of their bags

still finding a way to have his love painted across his face

she beamed at him

watched his every movement

the glint of new wedding bands on the fingers

she kept playing with hers

turning it in happy little motions

ensuring it was still there

the rest of the world ceased to exist for them

just vanished

and i sat with tears in my eyes as they entered the building

oh for one minute of that bliss

one second to have someone gaze upon me in that way

and i truly wished them a happily ever after

that they could find a way to keep the world outside at bay

never to fight or argue or let the cracks grow in the facade they so carefully erected

jealousy and regret burned in equal flames within me

a wish and a dream both lay in smoldering ashes by my feet

the wind whipping them into a dust devil to float inches off of the city streets

detritus of a former prayer

and i sat

long after they made it to their room

passion burning

making love as husband and wife on the foreign bed of matrimony

as i watched the squirrels prance happily in the grass

the cars motor down the highway

happy drivers leaving work to rush home to awaiting children and wives and husbands

to share their days events and a simple repast

the world keeps turning

it cares not for broken hearts and shattered hopes

it all means nothing to it

and deep down in the fragments of the person i once was

the one that dreamt and hoped and wished and prayed

a gentle stirring and a sad little sob bubbled up to the surface

i wish you were here

to hold me as this storm encroaches and shakes me with furious throbbing need

to look at me the way she looked at him

and i wish i were strong enough to not need you

to not dream of your words and wish they were for my ear alone

but we don’t get what we want nor that which we desire

we get what we get and make do

even if it is shards of stabbing nothingness and the acrid scent of funeral pyres

wrap me in your tender embrace

or shroud me in white fabric and lay me into the wooden boat

push me from the dock and light me ablaze

let me drift off into the somber darkness and light your way