if i could

i would kiss you gently on the cheek and whisper sweet dreams

wrap my arm around you and hold you until the alarm goes off

i wouldn’t mind a face full of hair

or my other arm in an awkward postition

not sure i would sleep

just bask in holding you close

when the alarm goes off

and the dream ends

i would tell you how beautiful you look in the morning

and mean it

if i could

i would race home to you after work

uncaring about speed

singing along to the radio

probably all those songs i skip now because they strike right into the center of my chest and explode

just happily drive home to get a kiss

if i could

but i cannot

so instead i roll towards the wall

clutch a pillow close

and think about how i wish i could sleep

so tired yet unable to stop the chipmunks in my mind

the squeaky wheel spinning

so i make do

have gotten good at that

making do

plucking eyelashes and making wishes

tap-dancing on landmines

playing jump rope with razor wire

normal people things

because i am normal

not some kind of freak show miscreant

not the creature of nightmares and campfire tales

just a rambling spirit

rattling chains

like normal

if i could become a real boy

a normal boy made of flesh and blood

i would

if you need me grab a ouija board and call my name

i will come

until then i’ll be here

flipping the lights on and off

misusing their there and they’re

haunting the language that failed me when i lived

and mocks me in death

if wishes were fishes i’d never want for food again