anxiety filled this morning

feels like angry hornets racing from my right ear to my left

stinging across the inside of my skull

the air is so still and heavy in here

they are welding three feet away and it smells like what space is supposed to smell like

burnt steak and ozone sizzling

and i can’t tell if it is really what it smells like or if i feel trapped in a vacuum

and i don’t know which i dread more

the hallucination or the truth

i need to curl into a ball and rock back and forth but the others working around me may find it alarming that this man is crying

again

the first time you just step over him and let him sob it out

after day five you call a doctor or a priest

i don’t trust either

one is going to try and touch my genitals the other will try and take my vitals

neither or con man

your invisible man or hypocritical oath means nothing more than you cling to ancient greek beliefs and i’m pagan enough

i’m a modern day mythological man with a hydra for a heart

cut one love and two more will spring back up

but that is another poem

so

thank you

but no

i’ll be fine without leeches and side effects

the scaredofluv i take every morning may cause sociopathic tendencies

but i feel like i don’t really care about that

or anything

so if you’re putting on rubber gloves best go in dry because it’s been a long time since i felt anything but abject self loathing

if feelings for me persist after seeing the real me behind the luchadore mask

maybe you need a priest to fondle your infant beliefs

i just have anxiety