i think about death a lot
too much
my death
not suicide
though if i had a nickel for everytime that though had occured i could pay for therapy and a bottle of pills that would stop the incessant erections and thoughts about
i think about death a lot
not sure how you quantify a lot when it comes to thinking of things
i think of you a lot
but those thoughts fill me with joy
but death creeps in sometimes
a lot of times
i sit with a cup of whiskey and stare at the ceiling
love and loneliness playing at russian roulette in my skull
love loses
it always loses
i beg it not to play and it slaps me in the mouth and as i lay holding my busted lip
blood dripping onto my white shirt
when the hammer clicks and the bullet exits it’s precious little head
i think about my death
legacies and what not
am i leaving behind anything worth while
would anyone but the kids notice i was gone
would anyone read my words in five years and wonder why i haven’t put out anything new in a while
is it macabre that these thoughts fill my skull
that i ponder it so often
that i know i’ll die before fulfilling the dream of holding you close and dipping you back as i press my lips upon yours
i don’t want to die
but it’s nice to know that there is an end to this
when i was a kid i wanted to die a lot
too much
every beating made me wish for it to just cease
it wasn’t always my death i wished for
no
so i guess i’ve always spent too much time and glucose on the the energy needed to contemplate my ending
the final chapter to a book of poems no one will read
the longing and needs left with too many pairs of vans and a million words written to you
ignore me
i’m rambling on about things we aren’t supposed to acknowledge
it’s kind of my thing
airing my inner most thoughts and wearing them as a jacket against the bitter cold truths
just know i love you
you know who you are
and all the rest of you too
but in a platonic way
you know
asking too many questions of and not having any defined answers to them but expecting you to be on the same page at all times
allegorically speaking
Mike's Manic Word Depot 
I like the idea of one person trying to enact change and how silly it sounds, but with that person’s efforts more join and see value in the effort. I have a thing with birds. So.
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the hawks circle all around here. i’m partial to them and sparrows and red finches
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Yes. They are adorable. I love the mockingbird who used to sing every morning before the sun came up – felt like a private song for me in the near Dawn. And then mourning doves. And starlings. And quelea. And secretary bird! Oh, you’ve got to see the documentary on Birds of Paradise with Attenborough. Stunning.
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i really like you on Ambien. You on Ambien is like me awake.
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Lol. Sometimes it knocks me out, sometimes I wake up and two days later trying to figure out who ordered a body sock. Me. Amazon. 3am. No idea.
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Hahahaha. Had to look up body sock as well. I’m learning so much this evening.
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I just kinda folded it in a mush in the closet. I’m sure it’s planning it’s escape.
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Sentient body socks. There is a tale there somewhere.
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Our shed skins from past traumas and whatnot hang in our closets…. One wakes up… He calls himself….
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oh God I’m going to end up writing this.
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Yes!! Grow grow list grow! Muah ha ha ha
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Dude. It’s late. You should sleep. Friday is not a fun day to be tired.
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it’s stare at the ceiling time and longingly think about her with wildflowers in her hair already? sigh. I suppose so.
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Alright. Nice dreams. And recorded REAL ocean waves. Night!
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Sweet dreams to you if they ever come
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Doh. I gotta stop responding. What is cool now…hmm. Peace. Uh… Lower my voice a bit. Peaceah. Out! Out damned Aby!
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And everyday she’d drop pebbles into the sea- she eventually marries has children and they also throw pebbles into the sea
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oh how you’re speaking my language. it was.mythology that led me to take writing seriously. and a lady. but all tragic tales begin with love it seems.
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Yes! Have you read or watched any of the Hindu ghost stories? Creepy stuff
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yes indeed. any and all mythos appeal to me.
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Or The Eyes – the original version- oh man.
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If you mean the Asian horror film, yes yes yes. Ju-on is my favorite horror film ever. No film has just outright shaken me so.
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Yes. Very well done. So now I’ve seen you mention Hermonculi (sp) so anime fan?
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Indeed. Ignore the last five episodes of Death Note and you have my favorite. One Piece, Black Clover and LAIN with Perfect Blue and Monster as well.
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Too late- Death Note digested- I’ll have to check out the others. The new Castlevania is good. But that’s all I can offer beyond oldie but goodies- though Aeon Flux is my all time favorite character. River Tam. No. River Song. No. Mal. Doctors 9, 10, 11 and I’m still trying to love the original 8. Oh dang. Diarrhea of the mouth! I apologize
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Do not apologize. Ten and eleven are my favorite doctors. And I still unapologetically love Amy Pond. Nine suffered bad writing but the the actor is brilliant.
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I loved Nine. He did pent up anger springed within better than any doctor- the other doctors are quirky- but he was a doctor to fear. And 12! Damn. I love 12. And Amy Pond is legend. Rory too. So many heartbreaks. Left over and over those three. Dang.
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The Van Gogh episode leaves me snotty and tear stricken every single time. Never fails. When he sees the impact his art has. I’m not crying. You are.
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Same here. Just gave him a glimpse that his life through his work was celebrated. It was tender.
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I always start off people on the first episode of Dr. Who’s 9th doctor by saying- ok, look- if you can hang with me- and get through this moment of pure disbelief that I love this show after seeing these mannequins… There’s an Earth Dying Party you HAVE to see
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Have you seen him in 28 Days- I think that’s it- the start scene is replica of Walking Dead aka replica of Day of the Tryffids … He’s the military leader they meet. Eep.
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And in The Leftovers he was genius as the priest.
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Hmm. Did not see that. Sounds gory. Is it?
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No. It is about the people left after the rapture. I loved it.
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Sweet. Sounds like a checkout. Thanks! Something to queue!
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That bird was angry with the ocean spirit for drowning her- sup she swore to fill him up with stones
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Hence the birth of the Zhang River.
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Brains!
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The girl went into the ocean and drowned but her spirit returned as a bird
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JingWei is a cool fairy tale story
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yes indeed. I love mythology. it is my first addiction.
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Second- music?
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absolutely. my first two loves in a row
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Lol
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Oh uh- I’m JingWei.
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nice to meet you, i’m mike
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Then come talk to me about what the motto is -a dorky thing but it focuses is a bit and nameo 9h crap. Ambien kicking in. If I launch into complaint nunnery nonsense- tell me to take a knee
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Ambien ramblings. Sounds like a an avant garde post punk band name
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The house gets mad clean or furniture gets painted or everything gets rearranged- activating my obsessive nature to uh trick my brain that this list (insanely long, difficult projects, perfection things, talked to everybody, sat in an ER and waited Til felt better- just sitting there- those type of things. Things you put off- yeah that bag bit list focuses all that stress and anger into doing something to get you closer to that moment- because Izza got to make sure everything is in place and ready for the fam. So I feel you. Plan those things tomorrow and make plans with those people.
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the idea of cleaning all day does not excite the hippocampus. Hahaha
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Don’t you dare. Your work’s not done.
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if it counts i have like five things scheduled for tomorrow already. and we still have that pesky take over the world thing to do.
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Amen. What will we call it?
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i’ll think on our international organization for world domination acronym as i stare at the ceiling. it needs to be clever and offputting. The Rainbow Kitten Order? The Inflammatory Formation of Demonstrative Disinfectants? i’ll need time.
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Yes. And what’s it about? What makes it a family within- community within WordPress?
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it’s been too long since there was a poetic renaissance. it’s time to reaffirm to the world at large that it isn’t all mopey teens with black eyeliner running down their faces.
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Yes! Or professors wearing patched elbows Tweed and ties.
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I love me a patched suit jacket.
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It makes perfect sense. And me too- but only in Tweed. And Indiana Jones’ father’s hat. That’s a good team.
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That is a good team. Now we have official uniforms.
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I’ve put off many a topper by having an detailed list of all I want done before I die. It usually takes me two weeks of working on some project or another thing until I feel like I can breathe again and just focus on life. I can’t tell you how many closets have been cleaned out and baseboards washed in the name of ‘not til I’m done with this”. It helps me a ton. Every time.
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that makes sense. I don’t know when the last time I cleaned a baseboard is but since I needed to Google it guessing never.
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Ha ha ha! We grew up military brats- the houses has to stay pristine- they’d come inspect at least twice a year for base housing. If we told Mom we couldn’t sleep, she’d hand us a bucket and sponge
and say this might help
How?
Clean the walls, of course!
Doh! Get tired reeeeeaal quick- but still had to finish one wall. Ha .
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JingWei is my old account. It keeps butting in as my voice if I stay in a thread. Just a weird thing. So that’s my old account. I closed it. Moving old poetry over this month and some next. October we usually build some crazy costumes- but bleh. It may be the rack for all of them. So I expected to be arms deep in craziness and pumpkins! He ha
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i feel so wonderfully confused. in the best possible way.
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